The ending of my most recent relationship has prompted (predictably) a lot of soul-searching and a lot of thinking about the big picture, where I am, where I'm going and what I'm looking for. Lord knows I spend enough time brooding about things and being anxious, but somehow I always manage to gloss over/ignore/or avoid (beer helps with this) a lot of the bigger issues and actually taking a look at my life and asking myself what I'm really doing.
I've come to realize that, while still being a quasi-normal, responsible person, I've been avoiding what I guess I'll refer to as "growing up" and facing up to what it actually means to be an adult for a long time. For a plethora of reasons, I've been afraid for the most part to take any risks, set any goals, think in the long-term, and really decide what I want to do with my life. I've known for a good while that I've been a little hazy about the career goals and where I'm going in general, but I think for the first time I'm realizing that I've been taking the easy way out for too long in that I find it a lot easier to stay in a comfort zone and not really take any risks or face up to any big challenges. Comfort is nice and safe and all that, but it can also be really unfulfilling after a point. You can only fill up your time with drinking beer, listening to music, and watching the X-Files for so long before the bigger picture that's been looming in the corner of your eye turns into the 600 pound gorilla in the middle of the room. If that makes any sense.
So what's next? Seeing if I'm grown-up enough to stick with this, to start facing up to some of the harder choices that come along with life and being an adult, instead of just opening another beer and pretending that the 600 pound gorilla isn't really there.
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